It seldom works to aggressively pursue a fly. The harder that you go after it, the quicker it is able to allude you and disappear. I have learned that if I wait a bit, a number of advantage are unlocked. Flies are hard to see when they are flying because they are faster than my eyes and the background changes to their advantage. But as I wait, they come into my vision. If they do not see me moving, they become much more bold with where they go. If I wait long enough, they will settle down somewhere. At that time, I am able to easily capture their little lives.
Our relationships are like that too. When we jump in as fast and aggressively as we can, the advantage alludes us like a fast, small fly. The faster we go, the more inaccurately we swing and wilder we become. I Corinthians 13 describes that one of the key characteristics of love is patience. When we use patience in disagreements, we find more often than not that we will win more than the argument, we earn the person. When all of the dust settles, it is the person not the advantage, that is most valuable.
Patience in action is seldom perceived by others as strength. Often it is perceived as slowness or dullness. People think you do not have an answer because you do not jump right in or interrupt with a counter-point. People will sometimes assume that you are weak because you are not swinging back with every hit. People see you as a non-threat because they do not see you moving. However, it is not so bad to be perceived as a non-threat when you actually have the power to do what you want.
In chess, the pawn that is creeping up the side of the board looking harmless because the action is on the other side until, at the right time, will inevitably become a queen and the game-changer, the most important piece on the board.
Patience comes in action, responses, and reactions. When you are in an argument, most people think that it is important to respond quickly so they come up with the response instead of listening. Patiently listening to your adversary is what will give you the details that you need. There may be a hole in the argument. There may be something the adversary had not thought of. You might see that the person on the other side of the argument is fighting against a strawman or may not actually disagree with you.
The goal of patience is not to be a better adversary, but to turn an adversary into a friend. Winning an argument is not just coming up with the best points, but moving another person see as you see. This does not happen fast and usually does not happen with words alone. Your reactions and the way that you respond to others will make a difference in how the entire argument is decided.
Patience is listening carefully, watching, self-control and studying angles and weaknesses until there is a clear, winnable strategy. Patience is love because it does not react to every swing and looks beyond the attack to the person behind the attack.
When we are patient, we can lower the tenson in an argument, de-escalate the tension, soften the attack and, over time, see the real issue to be addressed and work through that so that our relationship grows and strengthens. Patience is a love that will create new, deep bonds with our partner as we give them the respect and attention that they need to build their own world view. That does not go unnoticed. It is a game-changer.
God clearly wants a relationship with us. He has made all of the sacrifices to make it happen, and yet, many of us do not respond. He is in His rights to reset and start over. But He is patient.
The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance (2 Peter 3:9).
His goal is not to best us and prove that He is right. He is patiently waiting for us to see Him. And when we actually see Him, we know instantly who we really are and how much he as truly given us.