A commitment is probably a little bit more important than a relationship because a relationship without a commitment can never go anywhere. A commitment without a relationship can be legalistic but given time will usually develop into a relationship. A relationship without a commitment will usually stay superficial and over time will grow more superficial.
A strong commitment and a deep relationship interlock to form a significant, committed relationship.
They build on each other to create a significant, unbreakable bond. They are inseparable in a significant relationship. Just like water cannot be made without hydrogen and oxygen, a relationship demands that two people are present in the good times and the hard times.
The relationship ensures that you can be at home, candid and forgiven. It is the bond that is built over time where you know more about each other than anyone else does. You begin to feel at home with each other because you know each other, and you have accepted each other at a level you don’t even share with others.
The commitment ensures that you will see each other through the difficult times, and you do not have to compete for your position. Since you are committed, you can give everything and invest heavily in this relationship because it will you into old age. In my marriage, I remember thinking that I needed to take care how I approached my wife because the healthier she was the better my life would be. All committed relationships work like that.
People and relationships can change for the better.
The good news is that people grow and develop through their lives and we can change. You may find yourself bound to someone without a real commitment or without a strong relationship, but we are very pliable. Over time, we can improve. Your task is to improve yourself in the relationship, not your partner.
This is one of the best aspects of crisis events. They cause us to re-evaluate everything and potentially, to grow. By definition, a crisis event takes us beyond our normal coping mechanisms. When those are not sufficient, we are forced to find new ones. There is a good chance, especially with help, that we find better coping mechanisms that have a long-term benefit.
The death of someone close might help you to re-evaluate living for the moment. You may stop and think about making commitments that will endure and make a positive difference in others. Losing a job may help you reconsider how important your family is. It may help you become a better father or mother and put more energy into the ones who only have you to make a difference in their lives.
You can build commitment into a relationship. Here are 3 ideas to try.
If you find yourself in a relationship where there is no commitment or very little commitment, there are some things that you can do that may make a difference. Remember that you can only change you, but sometimes that is really what is needed.
You can get a mentor for the relationship. Find a similar relationship where they did not have the same commitment that they do now and allow them to speak into your relationship. This should be intentional. Ask them specifically for their advice and it should be over time. It starts with an event but should carry out over time.
Declare your commitment and ask for it in return. This might be illustrated by a proposal. Traditionally, a man will declare his love and commitment and ask for that commitment back. When this is done, you should be prepared for any response and act appropriately.
Make careful vowels and be sure to keep them in as for yourself. The best way to strengthen a relationship is to strengthen yourself. Show that you are committed by committing out load and following through with that commitment even when it is most difficult. It is only when it is most difficult that it will stick.
You can build a relationship where there is only commitment. Here are 3 ideas to try.
Develop a deep interest in your partner and become an expert in your partner’s perspective. Over time, you should know them better than anyone else. Every day, you can learn something new.
Share your life/perspective as much as possible. Intimacy is sharing what is important to us and risking rejection when we give our ideas and our views. We become closer when we risk the conversation and when we are accepted in spite of the weird ways that we carry with us.
Relax in your partners presence and do some things differently. Sometimes it is as easily as smiling more, singing a song to yourself or thinking about the good times. Allow yourself to be fun to be with and see what happens.
A commitment to Christ is a commitment to a relationship.
Jesus said of many who did the right things, “On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’.” (Matthew 7:22-23). They were doing a lot of powerful things for Jesus, but did not know or have a relationship with Him. They did not hear His words or obey His commands so they did not know Him. Of course, this is speaking of a future day and could include us, if we do not seek to know Him and not just about Him.
Jesus had to deal with a number of people who wanted to follow Him, but did not want to commit everything. Jesus did not allow that kind of limited, split commitment. One example is in Luke 9. “As they were going along the road, someone said to him, “I will follow you wherever you go.” And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes, and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay his head.” To another he said, “Follow me.” But he said, “Lord, let me first go and bury my father.” And Jesus said to him, “Leave the dead to bury their own dead. But as for you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.” Yet another said, “I will follow you, Lord, but let me first say farewell to those at my home.” Jesus said to him, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God” Luke 9:57-62.
A commitment to Christ is a commitment to fellowship
“That which we have seen and heard we proclaim also to you, so that you too may have fellowship with us; and indeed, our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ.” (1 John 1:3)
Christianity is not a life-event or a positional statement, it is a relationship with a living God that changes everything. John is not talking about saying the right words, walking a specific isle or performing a certain ritual. We cannot settle for that in ourselves or our witness. We are called to be in a relationship and in fellowship with our God.
In the same way that we have fellowship with one another meaning we laugh and play and interact freely and enjoy one another, we do the same with God the Father and his son Jesus Christ. The Gospels are full of Jesus bringing joy and laughter. If you think it is possible for Jesus to heal a man of leprosy without excited, joyful laughter, you probably have not been involved with too many miracles (Matthew 8:1-3).